Category Archives: The Bucket

Text Responses To The Most Annoying App On The Planet

Photo courtesy of Android
Photo courtesy of Android
There’s an app for Android called Cat Facts that allows you to send unlimited automated feline facts to all of your phone contacts. Why would you want to do this? Because you find humor in being an annoying fuck that wants to lose all of their friends. Also, you get to find out which of your friends have a proper sense of humor, and which ones will get butt-hurt at the slightest disturbance to their comfort. Should you decide to embark on this adventure of pissing people off, here are some actual responses you might see:
“These are interesting and useful cat facts. Thanks!”
“Fantastic info”
“Get me off cat facts services”
“Good facts”
“I hate cats”
“This is so epically amazing because I so needed this right now :)”

“Fuck off so hard….”
“You fucking dick”
“You know this makes you worse than Kevin, right?”
“please stop”
“You’re a form of AIDS, dickbag”
“Why are you doing this?”
“holy what the frick”
“What are you on right now? Because I need some”
“wth is with the cat facts?”
“you’re drunk”
“stop with the cat facts or I’ll block you”
“Cut the shit, I’m serious”
“Dude, the fuck?”
“Are you doing shrooms or something? And if so, why didn’t I get invited?”
“Cats also love Jefferson Airplane”
“Hey, quit testing your bits on me”
“What about Garfield?”
“You’re that bored?”
“Dude, what are you on tonight?”
“Jesus dude…”
“How high are you right now?”
“The Liger has similar issues as it is a forced man-made breed of tiger lion and usually doesn’t live very long and I don’t think they can have offspring either”
“Ummmmmmm are you OK? lol”

“That’s not surprising, they fuck like rabbits.”
“Alright, what’s your game”
“cats are the fucking worst”
“my urine glows in the sunlight. So fucking what?”
“lol, I love cat facts”
“Ha, I just looked at my phone, thanks for the kitty cat history lesson my friend! What’s up?”

“The fact that I saw the movie Keanu today and this is happening is serendipity on a level I can’t comprehend”
“The AT&T subscriber you are trying to reach is currently roaming outside of our coverage area”
“I live across the hall, will rape you in your sleep. Goodnight.”
“Cats have thirty vertebrae while humans only have five… you’re gonna wake up with six”
“Damn you”
“I feel like I could be a cat expert after this”
“Male ducks have corkscrew shaped penises”
“Are you doing a character? Autistic cat kid?”
“I don’t like cats, or cat related wisdoms”
“Huh????? Oh, ok.”
“That’s bullshit, yes they do”
“That seems legit”
“bangin your head against the wall burns 150 calories an hour”
“OK, now I feel like you’re making shit up, lol”
“Why me?”
“tryin to sleep man, leave me alone”
This is the only way I like cats
This is the only way I like cats

“lol, why would would you throw a cat 8 floors to find that out?”
“ok stop, I’m trying to enjoy my vacation”
“You were always a piece of shit”
The important part about this is that we’ll all know a little more about cats now. Doing good work human race… real top notch stuff.